If Hip-Hop Artists Went to Hogwarts

By Madison Kent U Conn Contributor


As midterm season begins to rear its ugly head, my desire to be a student at Hogwarts intensifies. To cope with my stress, I tend to listen to music; most notably, a lot of hip-hop and R&B. But, plot twist: what if it was not I that went to Hogwarts, but these musicians instead? Which house would they belong to? Well *shuts textbook I was studying from* guess it is time to find out!


Gryffindor: The Brave! The Bold! The home of the Golden Trio, Chance the Rapper, Childish Gambino, and Beyoncé, of course! Gryffindors are daring and always up for a challenge. Gryffindors do not scare easily and have “No Problems” speaking their mind, even if it is a little unconventional (looking at you, Gambino. What exactly was “Awaken, My Love!”? I mean, listen, I like it, but…what?). Loyal to the people and places they care about; a Gryffindor is someone you want by your side, regardless if you woke up flawless.

A couple of Gryffindors hanging out.

Ravenclaw: Known for their intelligence and quick-wit, Ravenclaws love to fill those around them with knowledge, much like J. Cole, Kendrick Lamar, and Tupac Shakur. These musicians strive to remind us in all of their songs to be aware of the world around us, specifically noting their feelings regarding relationships, racism, their homes, sorrow and happiness. They are clever and self-assured without being pretentious or arrogant, but maybe not “role modelz.” (sorry, I'm totally just kidding and trying to be punny. Cole, if you are reading this, I respect you greatly and want to hear about your creative process over coffee, thanks).

Some Ravenclaws jumping about!

Slytherin: Ah, the Hogwarts house everyone loves to hate due to Slytherins’ cunning and sly ways, but Kanye West, Nicki Minaj, and Rihanna would assure you it’s just because they want to be the best. A common misconception about Slytherins is that they do not care about others; they just don't let others get in their way of doing or saying what they want (Kanye and Nicki’s choice words for Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus, anyone?). Ambitious and goal-oriented, no one can deny a Slytherin’s work ethic. So hey, even if everyone is slightly terrified of you, at least you are slaying (*cough cough* FentyBeautywillgodownasthebestmakeuplineever *cough cough*).


Can't deny that Slytherin confidence.

Hufflepuff: A complete 180 from Slytherins are the Hufflepuffs. Musicians that would fall in this category are Drake (*cough* main reason he and Rihanna/Nicki Minaj never worked out... just saying), Logic, and Post Malone. Hufflepuffs have a lot of love to give, and cherish those in their lives more than anything. Some ridicule them for being too emotional or pushovers, but truthfully, they are just patient people who care about the well being of others, earning the respect of those around them who observe their caring ways. You are in good hands when you are with a Hufflepuff; they will protect you and always strive to help you see the beauty within you, ‘cause “love yourself girl or nobody will”, am I right?

The ever loyal Hufflepuff.

So there you have it witches and wizards. Kind of gives “Pills and Potions” a whole new meaning, huh? Here’s to hoping you will finally get your Hogwart’s letter next year so you can finally transfigure into Beyoncé.